Lessons From the Stands: Three Things I Learned as a Hockey Mom

It has been quite the year for Canadian Hockey. Between the success of the PWHL’s second season, a big win for the Canadian Men’s team at the 4 Nations Face-Off, and a strong start for Canada at the Women's World Hockey Championship, there’s been a lot to celebrate! 

This all got me thinking about my many years as a hockey mom.  I spent a lot of time in hockey rinks, cheering on my boys Alexander and Matthew - a goalie and a forward, respectively. Their passion and commitment to the sport took us on many adventures near and far in Ontario, and throughout the US.  Alex even had a once in a lifetime opportunity to play hockey in Sweden, thanks to Doug Menzies and Tomas Holmstrom! I am SO grateful for all of the memories and the friendships we made throughout the years. 

For those familiar with the sport, you understand that hockey is an all-consuming family experience. Although I do not miss the cold rinks, I do miss the families, and the time in the car with my kids: a chance to talk about anything and everything. 

With the 2025 Stanley Cup Playoffs starting, it seemed like a fun time to share a few of the lessons I learned as a Hockey Mom.

Step Back to Get Perspective

My boys’ hockey coaches had a “24 hour rule”, which meant that if you didn’t like something, wait 24 hours before reaching out to the coaching staff. The intention was to provide space, and hopefully a greater sense of perspective. 

We all face situations that spark big reactions from time to time, and often a little space can help us respond in a more thoughtful way. In my coaching, I recommend a practice called ‘Stop, Pause, and Reflect’.  When you feel triggered, upset, or frustrated, it’s often because something about the situation is not in line with one of your core values*. 

The best thing you can do in those instances is to create a bit of space, so you can better understand what important value is not being honoured or lived in that moment. Then, once you’ve gained some clarity, you can respond in a way that calmly offers that value…instead of pushing it on others. 

Teamwork Is Everything … and It Truly Takes a Village

Hockey is a team sport, and that team extends far beyond the ice. Everyone – from the players and coaches, to the volunteers and rink staff, and the parents and supporters – has to do their part in order for the games and practices to happen. 

As a hockey mom, I was so fortunate to find community among the other parents. You bond pretty quickly… through your kids, the competition, and all the emotions. 

With two boys in Rep hockey travelling all over the place, we never could have managed all of the practices, games and tournaments without the support of the other families (aka the village). There was a lot of carpooling... and sometimes we swapped turns doing drop off or pickup. Other times we piled into each other’s vehicles for out of town games. And when schedules conflicted and you couldn’t make a game or tournament, you had to put your trust in another family to take your kid. I am so grateful for the relationships I built, and the friends my sons made through hockey. I will never forget the families who went above and beyond for my boys, and the families who trusted me with theirs. It was a responsibility I never took lightly.

We’re better together

Time and time again, I learned the lesson that asking for help and leaning on each other isn’t a sign of weakness: it’s a strength. Our hockey families pulled together, and because of the community we built, our struggles were more manageable, and successes were far more fun. So when I started my coaching business, I took this learning and put it into practice, cultivating a community of entrepreneurs. Having that support – and the chance to support others – has made all the difference. So wherever you are in your career, I strongly encourage you to find and build your village. 

Know Your Position

At first glance, the advice to ‘stick to your position’ might seem to be the opposite of teamwork and community above. Yet trust and collaboration are at the core of both. 

Hear me out…

Each player on the ice has a specific role. They spend hours, and sometimes years honing their skills as a center, winger, D (defense), or goalie. Part of being on a team is understanding your position, and trusting your teammates to play theirs. Of course, there are moments where you take on a different responsibility: like when the D rushes forward and the winger or center needs to stay back and cover the D's position. As a left winger, this has always been one of Matthew's many strengths. His ability to strategically see the game, read the the play, and pivot in the moment is masterful. However, without that trust in your ability (and your teammates'), moments like this could lead to chaos, turnovers and potentially losing the game.

On my boys’ teams, this idea extended beyond the ice. Every coach, parent, and supporter had their own unique role to play. As a hockey mom, I had to learn to not take things personally, and to not get riled up over wins, losses, tough calls by refs, or the coaches’ decisions. Early on, I decided that my role was to try to stay calm. That’s not to say I wasn’t nervous or never lost my cool … because I did!  However, I truly believed that bringing a sense of calm to the stands was my best possible contribution to the team. 

This was especially important once Alex became a goaltender. Being a goalie mom comes with different challenges, and a ton of pressure for the goalie (and the people who love them!). Before the puck crosses the goal line, there are many actions that lead to this result, not just the goalie. I was very fortunate that most of Alex’s teams were supportive, understanding, and encouraging. 

When other parents asked how I could be so calm, my response was:

"I’ve done what I could do ... I gave birth to him, I fed him dinner, and I got him here on time.  The rest is up to him.”

It’s a concept I’ve applied to so many other areas of my life, and something I talk about in my coaching practice ...

Hold them capable. 

What does 'hold them capable' mean? It means, believe that they can do it. Let them try. Be there to support them, and let them fail from time to time. As parents and leaders, we too often jump in, with good intent. When we do this, we are robbing them of a learning opportunity. Sometimes you need to feel the joy and the pain in order to learn, grow, and build resiliency.

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I believed that playing a team sport like hockey, would be a great way for my boys to gain perspective, understand the value of teamwork, build friendships and develop resiliency. What I didn’t realize was how much I would take away from the experience. Thank you to my boys for allowing me to be their hockey mom. I am so proud of both of you for so many reasons. Thank you to the coaches who taught my boys valuable lessons both on and off the ice; which contributed to them being wonderful human beings. Thank you to the hockey families, my village, for all the support and the incredible memories. We couldn't have done it without you.

Sometimes we learn the most important lessons in the most unexpected places. I love looking back on my years as a hockey mom. I hope sharing these stories gives you a chance to reflect, and to appreciate life’s little opportunities for learning and growth.

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Jane Gaynor is an experienced executive coach who supports, challenges, and guides her clients to gain awareness, get clarity and take action. She focuses on supporting leaders successfully navigate change while being their confident, authentic selves. To learn more, please visit www.gainyouredgecoaching.com